This morning started out just like every other typical work-from-office day. I woke up slightly before my first alarm and just laid there, half awake/half asleep. I had my eyes closed and I could hear the faint sounds of my upstairs neighbors getting ready to head off to work as well. It’s a sound I lowkey look forward to that I’m totally used to at this point.

But something this morning felt off. I felt a sense of quiet. Like that constant baseline feeling of being aware of my own existence just wasn’t there. That’s when I noticed a sound I honestly can’t remember the last time I consciously was aware of. It was the subtle sounds of birds chirping in the morning. It was such a strange feeling coming to the realization that I couldn’t remember the last time I intently listened to birds chirping in general.

A feeling just washed over me where I finally felt okay. It felt like it was the culmination of all the hard work I have put in over the last few weeks/months to once again feel fine. I worked so hard to get my mind back into a manageable state where I could finally function normally and make progress on things I felt so badly about neglecting for so long.

I hope I’m not jinxing it by putting this out into the world but I feel like my mind is finally starting to get back to a place where it once was. A place where it was under my control as opposed to the last few years where I was at the mercy of whatever random thoughts and feelings it made me feel.

I worked so very hard to not be stuck in the endless cycle of just getting through the days without feeling an ounce of creativity. Somedays I would just sit at my desk at home and stare at my screen the entire day and not get any work done. Then at the end of the day I would feel like a failure because I couldn’t get myself to do or make anything. My heart and mind just weren’t in it.

Then the next day would come around and it would be the same exact thing. There were moments where I would bury my head in my hands and yell out loud, “What is wrong with me?”. I knew what was wrong with me but I didn’t know how to overcome it. At least not entirely.

I have spent the better portion of 2022 secluded in my home, only going out a few times a week to get necessities and hang out at the local Starbucks or visit friends and family. But the large majority of my week was spent working from home. Only recently since I started my new job at Disney was where things began changing for me mentally. The familiar feeling of being in a workplace setting and being around people and interacting with humans was something I sorely missed.

While being in an office with people again was helping, it still isn’t the full reason why I feel a lot better now than i did this whole year, Showing up and doing the work and trying everything I could to get ideas out of my mind is ultimately what helped. While I still have a lot of things on my plate and projects I’m only beginning to scratch the surface of, I feel, at least right now, a lot less overwhelmed and more hopeful and optimistic in knowing I can get everything done.

So this one is for the birds. Your little tiny chirps helped me realize that everything is gonna be okay.